When I write about my own life, I invariably see areas in my life where I could improve. I remember a scripture that states that if you come unto God he will show you your weakness. I often feel the same when I approach my life. My weaknesses glaringly expose themselves to me.

My face still flushes when I recall certain events in my life. I still blush at various failures.

But what is it about failures, even past failures, that embarrasses me so much? Why do I find it difficult to confront failure?

The programming against failure starts early. “Make me proud,” our parents said. “You’ll do great!” “Don’t embarrass me!” “Don’t embarrass yourself!”

It continues as we go to school. Grades are based on successful execution of assigned tasks. Experimentation is discouraged. Even in Science class, where experimentation is supposedly encouraged, your final grade is determined by your ability to come to the right answer. But what if you discover something new in the process? No matter. You failed to get it right.

Additionally, failure extends beyond the boundaries of right or wrong answers in the classroom. Failure also includes failing to live up to expectations: rational or irrational. “I’m disappointed in you.”

Too often, success means living up to someone else’s definition of what it means to succeed. It seems that just about everyone has a definition of success. I’m not talking about a generalized definition here. I’m saying that people have predefined definitions for every area of their lives – whether they know it or not.

“If I make a million dollars next year, I will be successful.” “If I make $30,000 next year, I will be successful.”

“If I read a book this year, I will be successful.” “If I read 5 books this month, I will be successful.”

“If I can get up by 6 tomorrow morning, I will be successful.” “If I wake up tomorrow, I will be successful.”

The point is that we want to be successful. So much so, that we avoid, no we shun/evade/steer clear of/stay away from new opportunities if we perceive a chance of failure. Let me rephrase that, we dismiss growing chances because we’re too stinkin’ afraid.

Too stinkin’ afraid. It’s a shame, really.

Recently, I watched a paradigm shifting YouTube video about Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx. Sara grew Spanx from $0 to a gazillion dollars. In the video (get the video here) she explains that every Sunday dinner, her dad would ask each of the children how they had failed in the previous week.

Again, he would ask how they had failed. Not how they succeeded. Completely different questions.

The question about succeeding encourages mediocrity. The children would be tempted to try only things at which they knew they could succeed.

The question about failure encourages breakthrough. The children will try things they have never tried before.

Have you failed at anything recently? I mean really failed.

I’m not suggesting that you say you’re going to try something new and then either purposely fail or fail to try.

I’m saying – Go and try something new. Give it your best shot. Give it your full attention. If at the end of the trial you have given it your all, then you have failed successfully.

There are infinite things at which to fail. What have you always wanted to try? Go out and try it. Now.

I have just finished writing three articles on helps for writing an autobiography: Getting Started, Autobiography Characteristics, and the importance of writing your autobiography.

I failed to mention the most important thing: to write.

Just start writing. That’s the most important thing.

Don’t get caught up on the mechanics. Those will come as you write.

Write.

But what should you write about?

Write about anything:

• The time you forgot your lines just before your cue in your theatrical debut.
• Your first boyfriend or girlfriend.
• Your favorite high school teacher.
• Your best friend.
• Your favorite ice cream flavor.
• The number of times you’ve been in the hospital.
• About your kids.
• Why you prefer Best Foods Mayonnaise to Kraft Mayonnaise.
• How you met your husband.
• What you do for a living.
• Your family vacations

Just start writing. Things will fall into place.

The prospect of writing, unfortunately, paralyzes most people. The way they teach writing in school, with a focus on rules, stifles creativity.

Of course, you have to have rules. Otherwise, all writing would be incoherent. But rules are meant to be broken. The truth is that most writers break rules consistently in their works.

Write as you speak. People often tell me that I write like I speak. This is a good thing because my personality can shine through.

Don’t worry about spelling things correctly. If you’re writing on the computer, the spelling checker will pick up most of your mistakes. If you’re writing in a journal or a piece of paper, just keep writing. If you’re writing ideas that you will transfer to an autobiography later, don’t fret over misspellings. You can catch them later.

At first, you’re just writing for you. Don’t pretend like someone is reading over your shoulder. You will feel inhibited and insecure. Don’t do it.

Writer after writer will tell you that you have to be willing to write a poor first draft. It’s true. The words will flow more freely. You can change things later.

If you’re planning on writing only one draft, who cares. Be you. Put yourself into it. Readers will forgive spelling and grammatical mistakes if they can sense honesty and personality in the writing. This is especially true in an autobiography or other personal writing.

If you go blank, make a list. (I touch more on this in a subsequent article.) Lists are magical.

Lists will give you ideas. Even as you start lists, thoughts will cascade like a waterfall. You won’t struggle for ideas.

Get started. Write now. You can do it.

But the museum that left the most lasting impression on me was an
unassuming place called the Independence Living History Center.
Inside the main part of the museum, artifacts unearthed at National
Constitution were arranged on numerous tables for scientists to sift
through. These artifacts represented small clues into the lives of
everyday folks who lived during this great time in American history.

When I asked the guide what they were doing with all of these
relics, he said, “History books are written about people like
Benjamin Franklin or Thomas Jefferson. Nobody’s going to write a
book about us. So, we’re left to piece together the histories of
people like us.”

History reconstructed from garbage?

Do you know where a lot of these artifacts were found? They were
found in the colonists’ version of the trash. I don’t know about you,
but I’m sure that I don’t want my history to be reconstructed from
trash.

The truth…

Probably nobody will write a book about me…probably not about
you, either. I don’t like to think that two hundred years from now,
some historian will try to recreate a generalized concept of how I
lived based on a few dirty garbage items recovered at the local
landfill. Do you?

You and I Have a Story Worth Telling

If you’ve lived a life, you’ve created a story. A worthwhile story. A
story worth preserving. A story worth passing on.

Even with a story, the task of recording it frightens even the most
dedicated writer. It’s especially hard trying to do it on your own.

Don’t Be Frightened

Just start writing.

Ideas will come to you.

Believe me – the story you tell will be much more interesting than
the story conveyed by your garbage!

Brilliant, I know.

I brainstormed the following list:

• Major events
• Life changing events
• Perspective changing events
• Places lived
• Parents
• Siblings
• Ancestors
• School names
• Friends
• People I’ve known
• People who’ve made an impact on me.
• Teachers
  • Teachers comments about me
• Stories from school
• Kisses
• Pets
• Songs
• Music listened to
  • Music memories
• Vacations
• Jobs
• Hobbies
• Cousins
• Musical instruments played
• Girlfriends
• Crushes
• Sports
• Clubs
• Plays I was in
• Foods I like/dislike
• Children
• Near death experiences
• Churches/Wards attended
• Temple experiences
• TV shows
• Movies
• Internet sites
• School classes
• Wife
• Turning points
• Enemies
• Heroes
• Radio stations
  • Radio personalities
• Hospital visits
• Surgeries
• Broken bones
• Stitches
• Holidays
• Lessons learned in life
  • Marital
  • Family
  • School
  • Business
• Accomplishments
• Changes I’ve noticed in my lifetime
• Hairstyles
• Cars
• Toys
• Beliefs
• Values
• Dating
• Places
• Favorites
  • Food
  • Music
  • Movies
  • Etc.
• Hangout places
• Weekend activities
• Traditions

________________________

Added: (Thanks alejna!)

• childhood fantasies
• other abandoned dreams
• dreams
• nightmares
• fears

________________________

Of course this list is not all inclusive. I’m sure that there are plenty of things I missed. Please comment with ideas or what you think of this list.

Want to learn more:

• How to Start an Autobiography
  
• Autobiography Characteristics
• Benjamin Franklin Autobiography: 7 Reasons He Wrote His Story – This article is especially helpful in determining your own reasons for writing your autobiography.
• If You Don’t Write Your Autobiography, Nobody Will!
• Fill-in-the-blank autobiography – A fantastic tool for getting started.