Autobiography Workshop

I see writing my autobiography (or you writing yours) as a chance to reflect on my life AND to see where I’m headed. It may seem weird, but I write this to hopefully motivate others to write/record their stories and to encourage them to live their lives to their fullest. This way their stories will be more meaningful and encouraging to others reading.

When I write about my own life, I invariably see areas in my life where I could improve. I remember a scripture that states that if you come unto God he will show you your weakness. I often feel the same when I approach my life. My weaknesses glaringly expose themselves to me.

My face still flushes when I recall certain events in my life. I still blush at various failures.

But what is it about failures, even past failures, that embarrasses me so much? Why do I find it difficult to confront failure?

The programming against failure starts early. “Make me proud,” our parents said. “You’ll do great!” “Don’t embarrass me!” “Don’t embarrass yourself!”

It continues as we go to school. Grades are based on successful execution of assigned tasks. Experimentation is discouraged. Even in Science class, where experimentation is supposedly encouraged, your final grade is determined by your ability to come to the right answer. But what if you discover something new in the process? No matter. You failed to get it right.

Additionally, failure extends beyond the boundaries of right or wrong answers in the classroom. Failure also includes failing to live up to expectations: rational or irrational. “I’m disappointed in you.”

Too often, success means living up to someone else’s definition of what it means to succeed. It seems that just about everyone has a definition of success. I’m not talking about a generalized definition here. I’m saying that people have predefined definitions for every area of their lives – whether they know it or not.

“If I make a million dollars next year, I will be successful.” “If I make $30,000 next year, I will be successful.”

“If I read a book this year, I will be successful.” “If I read 5 books this month, I will be successful.”

“If I can get up by 6 tomorrow morning, I will be successful.” “If I wake up tomorrow, I will be successful.”

The point is that we want to be successful. So much so, that we avoid, no we shun/evade/steer clear of/stay away from new opportunities if we perceive a chance of failure. Let me rephrase that, we dismiss growing chances because we’re too stinkin’ afraid.

Too stinkin’ afraid. It’s a shame, really.

Recently, I watched a paradigm shifting YouTube video about Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx. Sara grew Spanx from $0 to a gazillion dollars. In the video (get the video here) she explains that every Sunday dinner, her dad would ask each of the children how they had failed in the previous week.

Again, he would ask how they had failed. Not how they succeeded. Completely different questions.

The question about succeeding encourages mediocrity. The children would be tempted to try only things at which they knew they could succeed.

The question about failure encourages breakthrough. The children will try things they have never tried before.

Have you failed at anything recently? I mean really failed.

I’m not suggesting that you say you’re going to try something new and then either purposely fail or fail to try.

I’m saying – Go and try something new. Give it your best shot. Give it your full attention. If at the end of the trial you have given it your all, then you have failed successfully.

There are infinite things at which to fail. What have you always wanted to try? Go out and try it. Now.

Write For Heaven’s Sake!

I have just finished writing three articles on helps for writing an autobiography: Getting Started, Autobiography Characteristics, and the importance of writing your autobiography.

I failed to mention the most important thing: to write.

Just start writing. That’s the most important thing.

Don’t get caught up on the mechanics. Those will come as you write.

Write.

But what should you write about?

Write about anything:

• The time you forgot your lines just before your cue in your theatrical debut.
• Your first boyfriend or girlfriend.
• Your favorite high school teacher.
• Your best friend.
• Your favorite ice cream flavor.
• The number of times you’ve been in the hospital.
• About your kids.
• Why you prefer Best Foods Mayonnaise to Kraft Mayonnaise.
• How you met your husband.
• What you do for a living.
• Your family vacations

Just start writing. Things will fall into place.

The prospect of writing, unfortunately, paralyzes most people. The way they teach writing in school, with a focus on rules, stifles creativity.

Of course, you have to have rules. Otherwise, all writing would be incoherent. But rules are meant to be broken. The truth is that most writers break rules consistently in their works.

Write as you speak. People often tell me that I write like I speak. This is a good thing because my personality can shine through.

Don’t worry about spelling things correctly. If you’re writing on the computer, the spelling checker will pick up most of your mistakes. If you’re writing in a journal or a piece of paper, just keep writing. If you’re writing ideas that you will transfer to an autobiography later, don’t fret over misspellings. You can catch them later.

At first, you’re just writing for you. Don’t pretend like someone is reading over your shoulder. You will feel inhibited and insecure. Don’t do it.

Writer after writer will tell you that you have to be willing to write a poor first draft. It’s true. The words will flow more freely. You can change things later.

If you’re planning on writing only one draft, who cares. Be you. Put yourself into it. Readers will forgive spelling and grammatical mistakes if they can sense honesty and personality in the writing. This is especially true in an autobiography or other personal writing.

If you go blank, make a list. (I touch more on this in a subsequent article.) Lists are magical.

Lists will give you ideas. Even as you start lists, thoughts will cascade like a waterfall. You won’t struggle for ideas.

Get started. Write now. You can do it.

All right. So, it looks like you’re serious about how to make an autobiography. Fantastic.

The truth is that there are a lot of websites on how to start an autobiography. Many of them are great. Some are not so great. One really cool thing about trying to figure out how you want to present your autobiography is that there are many different ways to do it – many ways that I hadn’t even though of.

Here’s a list of some of the more exciting ones:

• Tape record your autobiography
• Organize your photo albums
• Keep a personal journal.
• Answer questions online and have your answers compiled into a nicely bound, hardcover book that can be passed on from generation to generation.
• Writing letters to family and friends to collect stories.
• Making a family tree.

Remember, It’s Your Story
The biggest thing to remember when starting your autobiography is that it’s your story. So the way you convey your story should reflect who you are. Be honest. Be honest in describing the experience. Be honest in describing how you felt about what happened.

The Easiest Way to Get Started
My absolute favorite way of autobiography starting is making lists.

That’s right making lists: memory lists, people lists, event lists, etc. This has got to be the simplest and least intimidating way to get started. As you start to make lists, you will notice that the ideas for what to write will come to your mind very quickly.

Your autobiography will come together as you in ways you couldn’t imagine as you build and expand lists.

Sample Autobiographies
And as far as an example of an autobiography…there are tons of these too. If you visit Wikipedia (a great online resource, by the way) you will find an over abundance of sample autobiographies for you to look at.

Take Your Time
Sometimes we think that we should be able to summarize our lives in quick half hour session. Once you know how to start an autobiography, you should allow your autobiography to develop over time. By slowing down, you’ll accomplish a number of things, including:

• Remembering more stories.
• Allowing others to contribute their stories of you.
• Making the whole task less intimidating as you take it one step at a time.
• Allowing for life’s lesson to reveal themselves to you.
• Ensuring that the autobiography you record reflects, accurately, the life that you’ve lived.

Starting an autobiography can be one of the most gratifying experiences. Writing an autobiography gives you a chance to reflect on your life. It gives you an opportunity to change the course of your life, if necessary.

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Autobiography Characteristics can be a little difficult to nail down. The best way to think about autobiography characteristics is to figure out what gives your story character.

The number of ways of constructing an autobiography are about as diverse as the number of people who write them. However, there are some simple items that you can include in your autobiography that will make it both personal and meaningful to others.

1. Be Honest
Before you start writing, you need to decide to be honest. This sounds simple, but it’s amazing how easy it is to either embellish the description of events or inaccurately describe your feelings about a given event. Even leaving some things out can be a form of dishonesty. This means that you may have to address things in your autobiography that are painful or awkward for you to address.

2. Find Your Voice
This is a tough one. When I write, I sometimes choose vocabulary that doesn’t sound like me at all. It sounds overly stuffy or cold. It’s tempting to try and sound like someone else. Someone more educated. Or someone funnier. Or less funny. Or…Or…Or…

Don’t fall into the trap of wanting to sound like someone else. Just be yourself!

3. Your Why
You should have a why for writing your autobiography. In his famous autobiography, Benjamin Franklin included, as an introduction, a letter to his son. In the letter Mr. Franklin explains his Why for writing his story.

In his letter, he identified at least 11 reasons:
1. He enjoyed collecting stories about his ancestors. In fact, he sometimes traveled to find the stories he wanted.
2. He thinks that his son (and others) will enjoy reading his autobiography.
3. He wants to tell his rags-to-riches story.
4. He wants to explain how he succeeded and found happiness.
5. He wants to reflect on his life and decide on what he would change.
6. Next to reliving one’s life, recollecting one’s life is the best thing.
7. Make the autobiography “durable.” He wants it to persist.
8. He wants to indulge himself.
9. He wants to satisfy his vanity.
10. He wants to acknowledge the hand of God in his life.
11. He wants to explain that his success can be reversed.

Perhaps one of Benjamin Frankin’s reasons struck a nerve with you. If one did, use it. If not, be sure to find your Why. This is one of the most important of the autobiography characteristics. You’ll need it to work through the slow times.

4. Know Your Audience
While writing an autobiography can be a very personal experience, it’s important to know that unless you destroy your work, someone will probably read it someday. Know this. Think about what you want that person to know. For Benjamin Franklin, he addressed his son. But beyond his son, Benjamin Franklin looked to a much wider audience. And he succeeded. His autobiography is one of the most read autobiographies in the world.

Of course, your autobiography probably won’t be read by millions. But who will read it? Your children? Your grandchildren? Their children? Think about that.

5. Choose a Direction
How have the events in your life led you to where you are in life? Maybe your autobiography will demonstrate how your life was shaped. Or maybe you want your autobiography to just be a collection of stories. There are many directions to choose from - choose one!

Autobiography Characteristics Summarized:

1. Be Honest
2. Find Your Voice
3. Find Your Why
4. Know Your Audience
5. Choose a Direction

If you include these Autobiography Characteristics, you will write a successful autobiography, no matter what final form it takes.

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Earlier this year, my family and I traveled Philadelphia to visit the
birthplace of the Constitution. Naturally, the visit inspired us. We
witnessed the long conveyor belts of newly minted coins at the U.S.
Mint; we saw the Liberty Bell’s crack (which, incidentally, was
caused when trying to fix a larger crack); and we walked the
footsteps of the Founding Fathers at Independence Square.

But the museum that left the most lasting impression on me was an
unassuming place called the Independence Living History Center.
Inside the main part of the museum, artifacts unearthed at National
Constitution were arranged on numerous tables for scientists to sift
through. These artifacts represented small clues into the lives of
everyday folks who lived during this great time in American history.

When I asked the guide what they were doing with all of these
relics, he said, “History books are written about people like
Benjamin Franklin or Thomas Jefferson. Nobody’s going to write a
book about us. So, we’re left to piece together the histories of
people like us.”

History reconstructed from garbage?

Do you know where a lot of these artifacts were found? They were
found in the colonists’ version of the trash. I don’t know about you,
but I’m sure that I don’t want my history to be reconstructed from
trash.

The truth…

Probably nobody will write a book about me…probably not about
you, either. I don’t like to think that two hundred years from now,
some historian will try to recreate a generalized concept of how I
lived based on a few dirty garbage items recovered at the local
landfill. Do you?

You and I Have a Story Worth Telling

If you’ve lived a life, you’ve created a story. A worthwhile story. A
story worth preserving. A story worth passing on.

Even with a story, the task of recording it frightens even the most
dedicated writer. It’s especially hard trying to do it on your own.

Don’t Be Frightened

Just start writing.

Ideas will come to you.

Believe me - the story you tell will be much more interesting than
the story conveyed by your garbage!

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OK. So it’s weird but almost as soon as I finished the last post I knew that it was wrong. By wrong I mean that it felt a little forced.

It felt forced for a couple of reasons:

1. I don’t actually think that the high school play Bye Bye Birdie was a turning point for me.
2. I’m not sure that this is the direction I want to take the site.

Let me touch on each of these points.

First, I have had some pretty important turning points in my life. I mean life changing. Some of these were included in the previous post. I think I tried to hard, however. Maybe I thought that I should have more turning points. Maybe I just wanted more to write about.

Second, I thought that just braindumping my whole life onto paper (or the computer) would constitute an autobiography and would be fulfilling in itself. But just after a couple of stories, I’m beginning to think that I want some shape. I also need to reconsider my WHY of writing this darn thing.

I’m sure that I’ll want to write random stories:

Like the time I was going to let a trusted friend borrow Zelda for Nintendo. The trade was to take place at a service project. When we met at the designated place, he said that he couldn’t take it right away but that we should wrap it up and hide it in a place that only the two of us knew about. When we went to retrieve it later, surprise! it was gone.

Or the time,
My brother and I decided that sliding down a rope from our treehouse 10 feet up with only batting gloves protecting our hands would be a good idea. The rope burned right through the gloves.

Or the time,
We teepeed a couple of friends’ houses with more than 120 rolls of toilet papers.

There is so much richness in life. So many good stories. So many stories that should be told. Stupid stories. Funny stories. Life altering stories. Boring stories. Sad stories. Happy stories.

This site I am sure will evolve over time.

I hope to include, as I am here, hints about things that are working or not working for me. I also hope that people will include their own thoughts about what has worked in organizing their own life stories.

I started high school at 13. Not because I’m any smarter than anyone else, but because in California the birthday cut off is December 31st instead of August like many states. My birthday is in October.

My dad has a always been a give-me-the-spotlight kind of guy. So, he always pushed me toward acting stuff; I took acting classes as a kid; I acted in elementary school and junior high school plays; I played in the lead in Church roadshows; I participated in a huge multi-church play.

When I got to high school, however, I figured that I would stop with that stuff. I wanted to fade into the woodwork. Of course, I still planned to perform well academically, but the extracurriculars would be set aside.

When I saw the audition poster for Bye Bye Birdie I knew I wouldn’t try out. I also knew that I wouldn’t tell anyone about it, especially my dad. I started to think in high school, that if I was going to do anything, I wanted it to be my decision and not at anyone else’s prodding.

Despite all of my stage experience, I was shy. (Still am.) I get anxious speaking in front of people: large or small audiences. Somehow, I’ve learned to suppress the flight compulsion. My face always turned bright red even when I tel a joke to a small group of friends. In spite of this, I always muster the courage to speak or act in front of others.

So I decided no more acting. But every stinkin’ time I passed one of the audition posters, my heart started thumping like I needed to do this.

Finally, the auditions came. I still wrestled with myself. Should I? Maybe… Nah… Yeah…

On a whim (without telling anyone), I walked in. I can’t remember if I had an audition piece or not but it was exhilarating. I loved standing on stage. My legs shook. My voice cracked.

In the end, Mrs. M. the drama teacher cast me as Harvey Johnson, the voice-cracking, nerdy, date-seeking, interrupter in the Telephone hour.

Every night on stage, my anxiety nearly overwhelmed me. I worried that I would forget the words, the choreography, or my cues.

I never did. And so my confidence grew.

Throughout high school and to this day, I have more confidence that I can accomplish things in spite of my fear.

I know I said I was creating a people list, but I think that a Turning Points List will be more appropriate. You never know if you’ll have a chance to create everything you want to create. Best to start with the most important things.

My Turning Points

1. My first high school play
2. Car accident
3. LDS Mission
4. Getting married
5. Dropping out of college
6. Having kids
7. Jumping out of Corporate America.
8. Going back to school.

The list seems short but it represents the perspective changing events of my life.

I have wondered about the shape my autobiography should take. Should I lay out the stories and let people decide? Should I lead the reader to certain conclusions?

Actually, I plan on doing both. By laying out my stories here, I am giving the reader a chance to draw some of his own conclusions. Eventually, I plan to give shape to the many stories that I have laid out here.

All of this lead me to a question -
Am I creating an autobiography at this point or just trying to recreate a journal?

I’ve decided that before I get to the actual autobiography writing, there will necessarily be some journal recreation - with some differences. Of course, a journal is autobiographical in nature but there are some specific differences that I am thinking of.

• My little creation here will have the perspective of an autobiography. Journals tend to be more in the emotion of the moment.
• I will invariably miss some details that I would have had had I kept a journal through the years.
• I will have more of an opportunity to add my reflections.
• Memory tends to change and omit things over time. So some of my writings may have inaccuracies. I will try to temper these by interviewing others who were witnesses to the events I describe.

This is a big undertaking. One I hope will be fruitful for myself and maybe provide some ideas to anyone who reads this.

I’ve started a list of people in my life. I’m surprised at how long the list is. Not everyone plays a significant role but it’s interesting just how many people I remember.

With my off-line list, I track first and last names. At first, I thought that I would include first names with last initials on the blog, but I’m not sure this would be right. I don’t plan on writing any derogatory about anyone. However, I know I don’t feel comfortable thinking that someone may be writing about me on a blog somewhere no matter how innocent.

The bottom line is that I think that I will just use initials for people. I will still name places and dates, etc., but not people. This way the person I refer to will still remain at least somewhat of a mystery should anyone try to figure out my history.

Maybe someday, I’ll change my policy. But for now - I think this is best.

Any comments?